Yes, I bought $2 of powerball tickets; no, I did not win. Anything. I've played Powerball maybe four or five times, and have never gotten more than one number right.

Me and gambling don't seem to have much in common, and my theory is that all of my luck has been amortized (so far) throughout the days of my life, and so while I come into fortunate situations on a regular basis, I do not expect to ever hit the "jackpot." I am not sure which is better - amortized luck or lump sum luck, but it's probably unimportant as I have no control over which one I receive. I can say that I am satisfied with amortized luck.

When I was thinking yesterday about what I'd do with $100+ million dollars, it occurred to me that after a few millions, I just don't even know. I can't fathom it. If I could just pay off my house and live mortgage-free, I'd feel like the richest girl in the world, because you can buy anything but time.

p.s. I am going to have to cut off contact with the friend for a while. I called him this morning to invite him to a belated birthday dinner, but the line went dead just after I began inviting him, and I freaked out so much that I didn't call him back. Now I would look like an IDIOT if I called him again, 20 minutes later. Maybe I will just email him at work, though I know phone calls are more "personal."

Uggh. I am turning into a moron. And I "winked" at 15 people on the personals, but NOT ONE winked back, even though most of them viewed my profile in response to my wink. If I make it to 30 without ever having had a boyfriend, it is going to take a lot of self-will or a really amazing birthday celebration to not feel like a love loser. Crossing my fingers that my Love Luck is lump sum.



December 2013



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